| mom gig: peripheral visions |

I have this re-occuring vision.

I'm walking up the stairs with a big basket of laundry. I walk down the hallway and into my room, where I dump all of the clothes out on my bed and start folding. As I begin folding, I can see out of my peripheral, a little body standing in my doorway, just staring at me.

"Mommy, can I come in here and watch tv?" A wide eyed, 4 year old Bennett has snuck out of his room, and has began the bedtime stalling process.

This vision terrifies me. Because it is so real.
It's so real, that often times it catches me off guard.
I become startled because I can see him standing there. All on his own.

He is growing up so quickly. I know he is only 4 months... but for a person who has spent their whole life wishing for time to speed up, all I want is for it to slow down. 

Yesterday I had a list of things I wanted to get done. For some reason I like the house to be spotless all the time, even though we just sit here all day and make a mess of it anyways. I wanted to clean the floors, and do laundry. I wanted to dust, and vacuum, and go through some of Bennett's clothes that he has outgrown.

He didn't want me to do any of that.

After about 30 minutes of trying to make him happy, while simultaneously trying to get some of my "to-dos" done, I decided I would just hold him.

We sat on the couch, turned on some music, and he just laid in my arms and stared at me for about 2 minutes, and then he fell asleep.

As I sat there deciding whether I should jump on my opportunity to put him in his crib so I could do some work, or just hold him a little longer... I decided on the latter of the two.

I watched his little mouth move as if there was a soother still there.
I watched his hands as he held them together on his chest, just like his dad.
I watched his eyes flutter back and forth.
I watched a smile come across his face, as he slipped into a coma, and let out a sigh.

It's nice to live in a tidy spot. To feel accomplished, so that you can enjoy your down time, that is yet to come. But, it's really nice to take time and enjoy what has already been given to you.

For me, it's my son. For you it could be whatever makes your heart content.

Don't let your list of things that you "have to get done" - so you can enjoy the moment - stop you from actually enjoying the moment. 

So what if the floors don't get cleaned when I want them to? They will still be there tomorrow. Not on top of all that laundry? We are still fully clothed.

Today is the only day that Bennett will be 4 months & 6 days old. And in baby terms, that's a big deal. Everyday is big when the world is so new. 

At the end of the day I had the fullness of holding my son, & taking in all that he is. He eventually went down in his crib and had a good rest. And all that stuff I had on my to do list? It eventually got done, too.

Except the laundry. That is one task that I never mind putting off.
And I hope I get the chance to put it off today, too.  

No comments:

Post a Comment